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  1. 8 points
    Plank

    Katie & Phil, Lena & Peter

    Caption; Cat say's, " Drinking at this time of day, really?" Lena, "Don't judge me fur-ball!"
  2. 8 points
    dougiestyle4u

    Empty Chatbox.

    The chatbox talk is mostly about Barca 1 and 2 apartments plus KK apartment. The chatters are the same few talking the same crap. If you don't talk their talk then you will be ignored or get fed up and walk away (or should I say run away). Over 1 and 1/2 years ago the chatbox use to be more friendlier, fun and a great social site to chat with others around the world about anything. It was a "look forward to" place to continuously connect with individuals and groups for a great time. Now the chat is very limited and discouraging to even participate. Too much personal stuff about tenants, chatters making up stories about tenants actions, constant demand that the girls have open sex, talk of drug use, being prostitutes or escorts, mafia connection, Russian involvement and more. Most of us voyeurs just want to enjoy seeing beautiful women naked, dressed sexy or the occasional sex. Because of this we have asked RLCF Admin to add another chatbox or replace the chatbox with a better design to enable older members to happily participate in the chatbox again (Admin is looking into getting an improved chatbox). Too many are frustrated and have even left RLCF altogether. The apartment forum posts are not used as much like CC. The two differences between CC and RLCF - CC uses forum posts but chatbox rarely ever used while RLCF uses chatbox but limited forum posting. Due to the poor chatbox topics for discussion and the behavior of chatters that is why there are less RLCF members logged in at any given time. We miss the chatbox and how awesome it use to be - a great social fun way of chatting online with many jumping in to join the friendliness and welcoming atmosphere. The talk was fluid and about anything (all the apartments or whatever). So Shadow V, welcome aboard to RLCF and give it a chance and observe the differences between CC and RLCF. You will see members posting in the forums but not participating in the chatbox because they have backed away from the chatbox (most of us here prefer RLCF over CC because their site is frustrating to navigate through it and due to some bad members there).
  3. 8 points
    Max 2017

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    This boy has just taken his girlfriend to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?" "What? You're crazy!" she said. "Look, don't worry", he said. It will be quick, I promise you." "Nooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbour, anybody..." "At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it." "I've already said NO, and NO is final!" "Honey, It'll just be a really small blowie.. I know you like it too." "No!!! I've said NO!!!" Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and really need this." At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or i'll have to blow him but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep."
  4. 7 points
    RUBBERMAN

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Andrew was laying down carpet in some woman's home. As he was finishing, he got a craving for a cigarette. He looked around and discovered that his cigarettes were missing. He did, however, notice a bump in the carpet and figured that he had laid carpet over the pack without noticing it there. He decided rather than to take up the carpet, he would get a hammer and pound it in to the ground so no one would know. When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done. "Andrew, The carpet looks wonderful" she exclaimed. "Here are your cigarettes; I found them in the kitchen. Oh yes, by the way, have you seen my cell phone?"
  5. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Newly married couple both nymphomaniacs, her husband comes downstairs in the morning and his wife asks what he'd like for breakfast. " Oh I think i'll have a shag please! So they go upstairs have a shag then he goes to work. Husband goes home for lunch, " What would you like for lunch dear?" " Oh I think i'll have a shag please! So again they shag and he returns to work. Half hour later he walks in the house and finds his wife sliding up and down the banister! " What are you doing?" he asks. " I'm warming up your dinner!! "
  6. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. " Ha! That's not going to help," she said. " Sure, it does he said. " It's the only way I can see the numbers."
  7. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but they only have £500. The redhead tells the blonde, " I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for £499. Having one pound left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out it costs one pound per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word " comfortable ". Skeptical, the operator asks, " How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word? " The redhead replies, " She's a blonde so she reads slow: ' Come for ta bull."
  8. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, " I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, asshole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes but women at large all in the name of humour." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde says, " You stay out of this, Mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee! "
  9. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Two men are talking. " So, how's your sex life? " " Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." " Social Security sex? " " Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on."
  10. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    There is more money being spent or breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, " Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for £1000? " She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually the lady asks, " Aren't you gonna bit them? " He replies, " No, it's too expensive."
  11. 7 points
  12. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, " Boy, this economy sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass! " Too late, he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language. " That's ok," the blonde replied, " I have a very similar problem. If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car! "
  13. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Boobs are proof men can concentrate on 2 things at once.
  14. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better everyday. Then you get kicked out for being to healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're too young to work. You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play and you have no responsibilities. Then you become a baby, then.. you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then.. You finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case.
  15. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, " I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, " Ok, but don't do in that field over there." as he pointed out the location. The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me! " Reaching into his rear pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. " See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish... On any land! No questions asked! Do you understand?!! The rancher nodded politely, apologized and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull... with every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs... " Your badge, show him your BADGE!! "
  16. 7 points
    Lisa

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman I she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm. "Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids. Have good Friday all.
  17. 7 points
    Lisa

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A couple were married and following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there will be sex here at 7 o'clock every night.... whether you're here or not."
  18. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Angus, a Scottish farmer was walking through his field and saw a man drinking from the stream. He shouts over, in Gaelic, " Hey, don't drink the water friend, the sheep have got the runs! " The man turns around and says, " What did you say? I'm English, I don't speak your stupid language! " " Ach well!" shouts back the farmer. " I said " Use both hands, you'll be able to drink more of my wonderfully fresh stream!...
  19. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    CamCaps.

    How the fuck does that place have so many members, it's filled with assholes.. And typical because you are a " Newbie " think you don't know what you are talking about. @StnCld316 Ban me if you want mate it's full of Bellends. LOL
  20. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A man goes to a restaurant and is seated by an extremely hot waitress. When she asks him for his order he replies, " I'll have a quickie." The waitress storms off angry. After she regains composure she comes back and asks him once again what he would like. " He replies, " All I want is a quickie." She can't control herself this time and she slaps him. A man sitting near him leans over and whispers, " Sir, I think it's pronounced ' Quiche' ".
  21. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Little Johnny asks his father for a £200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father says, " We have an £80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a £200 bike this year." Two days later, Little Johnny walks out the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he is leaving. Johnny says, " Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out, and mummy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and i'll be damned if i'll get stuck with an £80,000 mortgage! "
  22. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    " Hello, is this the FBI? " " Yes, how can we help you sir? " I'm calling to report my neighbour Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." " Thank you very much for the call sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open ever piece of wood, but can't find any marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. Hey, Billy Bob did the FBI come? " said his best friend. " Yeah! " " Did they chop your firewood?" His best friend replied " Yep." " Happy Birthday, Buddy! ", his friend replied.
  23. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Two girls, one blonde and one brunette, are walking down the street and they see an attractive guy. They strike up a conversation with him and notice he has dandruff. After they part ways the brunette tells the blonde, " We should give him Head & Shoulders." The blonde replies, " How do you give shoulders? "
  24. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A blonde, a brunette, and a red headed mother are talking about their daughters. The brunette tells them, " I found cigarettes in my daughter's room, I can't believe she smokes! " The red head said, " I know, I found some beer in my daughter's room, I couldn't believe it! " The blonde says, " That's nothing! I found condoms in my daughter's room. I never knew she had a penis! "
  25. 7 points
    Max 2017

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A man wakes up hard out of a deep sleep and nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we play it on, eh?" She replies, "I have an appointment with the gynaecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So I husband agrees and rolls back over and started to go back to sleep. A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "But you don't have any dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"
  26. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    There is a man that has three girlfriends, but doesn't know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one £5000 and see how each one of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, " I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you." The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man, " I bought these for you with the money because I love you so much." The third one takes the £5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the £5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, " I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
  27. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband walking around with a fly swatter. " What are you doing? " she asked. " Hunting flies, " He responded. " Oh, killing any? " she asked. " Yep, three males, two females. " he replied. Intrigued, she asked, how can you tell? He responded, " Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
  28. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger? She just couldn't take it any longer. Why did the semen cross the road? Because you wore the wrong socks today. What's the different between a clitoris and a cell phone? Nothing! Every cunt's got one. What do you do when your cat's dead? Play with the neighbour's pussy instead.
  29. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    How is a woman like a road? They both have manholes. What's better than a cold bud? A warm bush. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off. How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly? If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can't look down.
  30. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    My wife and I really love bondage. She loves it because she is a kinky bitch. I love it because I get to gag her for a couple of hours. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life....
  31. 7 points
    Lisa

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A blonde walks into an appliance store, she goes to the cashier and says, "I'd like to buy that television". The cashier replies, "We don't sell to blondes". Furious, the blonde storms out of the store. The next day the blonde goes back to the store but with a black wig on. She goes to the same cashier and says, "I'd like to buy that television". The cashier replies, "We don't sell to blondes". Confused and angry the blonde says to him, "How do you know I'm blonde? I have a black wig on!" The cashier replies, "Because that's a microwave, not a television".
  32. 7 points
    Lisa

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Ever notice how so many of women's problems can be traced to the male gender? 1) MENstruation 2) MENopause 3) MENtal breakdown 4) GUYnecology 5) HIMmorrhoids.
  33. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    What is the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78? At 8: You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18: You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28: You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38: She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48: She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58: You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68: If you take her to bed, that'll be a story! At 78: What story? What bed? Who the hell are you?
  34. 7 points
    mikeusa

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Little Johnny... Big Word The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anyone have an example of a multisyllabic word?" Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!" The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?" Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate." The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful." Little Johnny says, "No, ma'am, you're thinking of a blow job. I'm talking about jerking off."
  35. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, " Jesus is watching you. " He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, " Jesus is watching you. " In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, " Was it you who said jesus is watching me? ", The parrot replied, " Yes. " Relieved the burglar asked, " What is your name? " The parrot said, " Clarence. " The burglar said, " That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence? " The parrot answered, " The same idiot that named the Rottweiler jesus."
  36. 7 points
    Max 2017

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    This guy is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of it's socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out the air, and hands it back to her. The redhead is mortified, "Oh my, I am sorry," she says as she pops her eye back into place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you." So he joins her table and they enjoy a lovely meal together. Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. He says yes and they return to her place. He ends up staying the night. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is. He can't believe his luck. "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No, she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
  37. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    Vacation from vacation?

    Fucking terrible but could be worse, you could have Yana or Julia as a partner.
  38. 7 points
    StnCld316

    Vacation from vacation?

    So what's it like fucking a Sack of Potatoes, I have never tried.
  39. 6 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    My 5 year old: " I don't want to be your daughter anymore. I QUIT." No two week notice or anything. She'd better not want a reference.
  40. 6 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifle which no longer works and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact I was still in my birthday suit. I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher. " What are you doing? " she asked. " I thought I heard an intruder. So I came down to scare him." Scanning the contours of his doughy, naked body, she mumbled, " You didn't need the gun."
  41. 6 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Signs your child is too old for breastfeeding. He can open your blouse by himself. While sucking one breast, he caresses the other. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue. He keeps slipping money in your belt. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine. After each feeding, he has a smoke. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner. Beard abrasions on your areola.
  42. 6 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Little Susie, a six year old, complained, " Mother, I've got a stomach ache." " That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied." You would feel better if you had something in it." That afternoon, her father came home complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up," That's because it's empty," she said." You'd feel better if you had something in it."
  43. 6 points
    mikeusa

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Gift for Who? A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'
  44. 6 points
    mikeusa

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    Little Johnny... Salesman A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: "Can I see your dad?" Johnny: "No, he's in the shower." Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?" Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too." Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?" Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."
  45. 6 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants. The teacher asked, " Johnny, what are you doing? " Then, Johnny said. " It hurts down there." " Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home ", said the teacher. A little while later, Johnny came back to class and sat back down. Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick hanging out his pants. The teacher said, " Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants? " Then Johnny said, " My mummy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."
  46. 6 points
    Max 2017

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A man is making sweet love to his wife. He looks over to the doorway and sees that his son is watching. The boy runs off so the man tells his wife, "I should go talk to him." The man goes to his son's room to find him nailing Grandma. The father yells, " What the fuck?" The boy replies, "No so funny when it's your mum, now is it?"
  47. 6 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A man walks into his doctor's office. His doctor tells him, " Your wife's results came back positive. I can't remember if it was AIDS or Alzheimer's though." The man replies, " That's not very helpful. Can you just test her again? " The doctor replies, " How about you leave her in the middle of a forest and if she finds her way home don't fuck her."
  48. 6 points
    Scotsman84

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    One day at the care home, an old man and woman are talking. Out of nowhere the woman says," I can guess your age." The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try. " Pull down your pants," she says. He doesn't understand but does it anyway. She inspects his rear end for a few minutes and then says, " You're 84 years old." " That's amazing," the man says. " How did you know? " " We celebrated your birthday yesterday."
  49. 6 points
    Capeguy

    need a laugh when rlc is dead

    A young teenager and his girlfriend decide to go parking after a date. They find a dead-end road, go all the way to the end and pull over to the side and start kissing. They are so into what they are doing they fail to notice a pair of headlights coming down the road. Turns out there was a water pumping station at the end of the road which the police routinely check while on patrol. The pair are interrupted from their activities as a flashlight beam shines into the car and there is a rap on the driver's window. Fortunately they were only kissing with nothing exposed. They straighten up and roll down the driver side window. The officer asks the boy for his driver's license. As he shines the light into the passenger side he realizes the girl looks familiar. He yells over to his partner Karen and says ' Hey Karen, I think I know why you have been unable to get ahold of your daughter Sandy'! Needless to say, this was their last date. BTW - this was a true life experience and it only got worse after that.
  50. 6 points
    Scotsman84

    Vacation from vacation?

    Hard work looking at your phone and lay on your back 24/7, she won't be exhausted from what she puts into sex that's for sure... Like fucking a sack of potatoes. LOL