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Showing content with the highest reputation since 11/15/2018 in all areas

  1. 11 points
    Bandit

    need a laugh when rlc is dead #2

    A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw." From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel." "You tightwad!" blurts out the spectator. "Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill." "You cheap son of a.... " the spectator starts to shout. The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?" "I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"
  2. 10 points
    Bandit

    need a laugh when rlc is dead #2

    Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of this jolly season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "Its a candle", he said. "You may pass the pearly gates" Saint Peter said. The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the Pearly Gates." The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. Saint Peter looked at him with raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The Irishman replied, "These are Carol's."
  3. 10 points
  4. 9 points
  5. 8 points
  6. 8 points
    Satan

    need a laugh when rlc is dead #2

    Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said, "This is Sister Margaret. There's been a terrible mistake!" She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he would get right on it. The next day the nun didn't hear from Saint Peter so she called him again. "Please set the error straight by tomorrow," she begged. "There's an orgy planned for tonight and everyone *must* attend!" "Of course, Sister," he said. "I'll get you out of there right away." Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning Saint Peter received another phone call from hell. He picked up the receiver with tribulations of his heart and started to listen. He heard the following, "Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. Never mind!"
  7. 8 points
  8. 8 points
    WhySoSerious?

    need a laugh when rlc is dead #2

    A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"
  9. 8 points
    Hola from Mexico! Weather has been gorgeous and spending the whole day being lazy on the beach everyday. Not missing reading the same boring shit in chat. Hope your wearing long underwear while your sitting at your computer all day talking about Barca thots. So now excuse me..I'm getting a yummy daiquiri to drink. Lol.
  10. 7 points
    Satan

    need a laugh when rlc is dead #2

    Top 10 subtle differences between college and hell. 10. It doesn't snow in Hell. 09. Everyone has heard of Hell. 08. It's more fun getting into Hell. 07. You can't fail out of Hell. 06. At least you can sleep in Hell. 05. Hell is forever, college just seems like it. 04. People smile in Hell. 03. You only have to sell your soul to get into Hell. 02. You know there are Hot men/women in Hell. 01. You wouldn't tell a friend to go to college.
  11. 7 points
    Scotsman84

    Funny

    Leora & Paul
  12. 7 points
  13. 7 points
    Rhodie

    need a laugh when rlc is dead #2

    A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever." The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you." "So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office. FIVE YEARS LATER...... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed... "Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood , you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice. Sincerely, Dick van Dyke
  14. 7 points
  15. 7 points
    Rhodie

    need a laugh when rlc is dead #2

    How to keep a woman happy.... It's not difficult to make a woman happy.A man only needs to be: 1. A friend 2. A companion 3. A lover 4. A brother 5. A father 6. A master 7. A chef 8. An electrician 9. A carpenter 10. A plumber 11. A mechanic 12. A decorator 13. A stylist 14. A sexologist 15. A gynecologist 16. A psychologist 17. A pest exterminator 18. A psychiatrist 19. A healer 20. A good listener 21. An organizer 22. A good father 23. Very clean 24. Sympathetic 25. Athletic 26. Warm 27. Attentive 28. Gallant 29. Intelligent 30. Funny 31. Creative 32. Tender 33. Strong 34. Understanding 35. Tolerant 36. Prudent 37. Ambitious 38. Capable 39. Courageous 40. Determined 41. True 42. Dependable 43. Passionate 44. Compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. Give her compliments regularly 46. Love shopping 47. Be honest 48. Be very rich 49. Not stress her out 50. Not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Leave him alone
  16. 7 points
  17. 7 points
  18. 7 points
  19. 6 points
  20. 6 points
    WhySoSerious?

    need a laugh when rlc is dead #2

    A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to make me change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks, "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living and I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks, "I have to make it to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."
  21. 6 points
    Cum Flinger
  22. 6 points
    One Eyed Willie

    The Chat Room!!

    Crazy and weird especially when it comes to the girls. As a father with girls do find some do get far to involved and need to have a good look at themselves.
  23. 6 points
  24. 6 points
  25. 6 points
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